There was this little conversation that became a discussion,
an argument with raised voices and even then it was difficult to hear over the snarling
sound of traffic and the tuk tuk of
the auto rickshaw engine. The shouting
that was more partially out of disagreement with the other, annoyance and
partly because of the din and noise on the busy road ceased abruptly when the destination
was reached. I and R (my daughter) have not taken up the argument from where we
left it lurching that late evening.
However the point which I presume she was arguing about was
one’s freedom to spend as much money in any which way as one wants one one’s
wedding and that it is one’s prerogative. I wonder if she disagreed with the
vulgarity and inappropriateness of that vanity in the context. Though she
dismissed the possibility of her aping in her life such profligate flaunting and
that sounded remarkable!
What prompts me to bring up this subject in the Post is that
it is disheartening to see at close quarter young women and young men
disinclined to even think of avoiding ostentation and vanity. Certainly the
major guilt has to be apportioned upon the parents. Upon the miserable argument
of upholding tradition and convention they wittingly or unwittingly assign
women as an instrument and the solemnness of wedding as a spectacle.
I mentioned to an elder person about a recent commendable instance
where a promising young actress in the Malayalam film industry wed her colleague
without such jaundiced display of wealth. In fact the young couple went to the Cancer
Center & hospital in Kochi and donated fifteen lakhs of Rupees by cheque. I
also told her that people want to be like the Jones next doors and even be one
up on the other by displaying and flaunting. She disapproved my statement and
said that we must respect the opinion of the general public and cannot be
singularly revolutionary. She exclaimed that if Sonia Gandhi does something
that may be lauded but if we were to do the same people may ridicule.
So the onus is volleyed around.
I do not disagree that wedding day is in our midst still
once in a life time pleasance. People would want to be special and be doing
something extraordinary on the day. But decking the bride head to toe in gold
and precious stones, hosting sumptuous multiple course dinner for folks already
ploughed under by their over indulgence and gluttony is something that must be recommended
forcibly for eternal rotting in hell if there is an afterlife.
Looking at the gatherings at a couple of wedding recently (one
in the family) I mused if we Indians tend to have a wide spread of relatives,
friends and acquaintance than the average family in the West.
R, after the wedding in the family expressed her incense and
anguish at the bride being decked up like a marionette over burdened with heavy
silk sari and loads of gold all over her besides having to change her robes a
few times, while the fella was walking about as if on a stroll by the beach. It
is difficult to ignore the empathy and the virtual feeling that she expressed.
Would she change her opinion that there need be unrestrained display and
spending of money on weddings? Would she agree it cannot necessarily be one’s
prerogative to hurl around ones wealth even if it is earned?
She may not disagree, I’m sure that it is still a masculine
world however and as much the emancipators (sic) want to liberate the female
sex. However and as much the haute
couture damsels on prime TV channels discuss and debate the liberated
Indian women.
In comparison there is no difference between the Ambani’s
obscene eye sore, his mansion the “Antilla” overlooking the slums of Mumbai and the average wedding in Mallu land.
